Are There Any Military-Partner Support Groups I Can Join?
Answered by Sharra E. Greer, legal director of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network. March 27, 2003
Q: Dear Sharra,
I have had a very trying and difficult month. My partner is a career Marine and was sent overseas to fight in Iraq. We have been together for 10 years, and it is heartbreaking to say the least. Just after his departure to the Middle East, I went to the official military websites trying to find some comfort, but was very disappointed because there are no official support groups for people in our situation.
We recently moved across the country and it feels somewhat lonely, especially now. I miss being able to give him a hug and tell him how proud I am of him. Do you know of support groups that I can contact?
Kind Regards,
Jim
A: Dear Jim,
You are not alone and our thoughts are with you. The Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN) has been contacted by many people in the same situation. Unfortunately, the military does not provide the same support for the same-sex partners of service members as they do for spouses and partners of heterosexual service members. Under "don't ask, don't tell," lesbian, gay and bisexual service members must conceal who they are. The partners of these service members, therefore, must be invisible to the military.
SLDN is attempting to direct the partners of lesbian, gay and bisexual service members to support resources. Unfortunately, because of the need to conceal any information that might identify the service member, creating support systems is difficult. There are, however, some organizations that are trying to respond to this need.
If you have one of the following organizations in your area, I would suggest you contact them to see what resources are available:
• The Metropolitan Community Churches
• Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community centers
• Chapters of American Veterans for Equal Rights
You can also contact SLDN for information about any additional resources in your area.